frozen tears
by tears of emerald
Summary: sequel to Ash petals. Angsty oneshots of my favorite pairings from the girl's point of view. Each mew gets one.
1. lucky girl

Okay. I finally got the sequel to 'Ash petals.' I know, I know, took me long enough. I've been really weird lately, though. I dunno, just generally out of it. This will be written in the same style as 'Ash Petals', because I like that style.

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You are supervising all the work, as always. But today your heart is not in it. I know how you feel. My heart is never here anymore. Not since Masaya broke up with me.

That's right; Masaya and I broke up.

It was pretty nasty. Masaya was late for his weekly call from england, so I decided to call him. but as soon as the phone picked up, I heard, "Moe, you sneaky thing. hanging up early to do homework. More like torturing me cause I'm not around you," It was Masaya.

The truth set in pretty quickly. I just said, "It's Ichigo," and hung up. viola. We were no longer a couple. I haven't told anyone yet. Saying it only makes it more true. But I see those concerned glances you send me. I know you've noticed how out of it I've been. It's nice of you to not ask. I guess even you have a sensitive side. I just never noticed before.

But you seem sad too. I asked about that the other day. The girls gave me a dumbfounded look. "It's because the one he loves doesn't love him back," Minto had said, glaring at me. Believe me, I didn't mean to sound insensitive. I know what it's like to loose the person you love most. Do you cry yourself to sleep at night, like me? Do you wish you could pretend for a second they loved you? Do you ever wonder about them? Do you dream about them?

You're heading back to the computer room, to make sure there aren't any attacks. Your face is a poker face, and I can't see what you're thinking. Are you thinking about that person right now? Can you see them, talking and laughing? Are you with them, in spirit?

I wish I could get inside your head. Who do you love? Who is it you are dreaming of? Lettuce, or maybe Mint? Maybe someone I've never met. You must love them more than anything, to pine after them so.

I wish I could find the girl you love. I want to tell her how lucky she is, how fortunate that someone loves her as much as you do. I want to strangle her for turning away someone with loyalty they will never find anywhere else. I want to scream at her stupidity. I wish she was here right now, so I could tell her how great it is that you'd do anything for her.

It's amazing. Your loyalty to her is, I mean. You sit there and dissapate into a fit of misery, but you still love her enough to suffer through her rejection. Not a lot of people would do that.

I hope I don't loose Alto to her, shirogane.


	2. love is happiness

Sitting by the window, watching the world pass by. Lettuce dropping things, Ichigo trying not to cry at all the couples, and you, my dear, absently handing Pudding a cookie. I bet I know who you're thinking about.

Her.

Rei, your old girlfriend. Never giving a thought this way, to my direction. I wish you would. But you are always loyal to Rei, who turned away and left you to cook for the masses of people while daydreaming about her. I wouldn't do that. Us wolves are loyal. Loyal forever to those we love. And in the silence of my mind, I admit it. I love you.

The simplest words; the hardest thing to accept. I love someone who will never love me. Just thinking of it keeps me up all night, tossing and turning and wondering where I went wrong. When did I go from calm and peaceful to obsessed with someone who doesn't give me the time of day, for pete's sake! I used to be above all this pain. I used to look down at the lovesick people, staring at each other like they couldn't see anyone else. Now I am one of them. This thought does not reassure me.

Well, I _wish_ I was one of them. But you head back to the kitchen, while pudding delivers a chocolate chip cookie with a smile. One has to wonder why she is so cheerful about serving random people who won't even remember us in a day or two. She doesn't see it that way, though, and no use ruining her fun.

One of us should be happy.

Sipping my tea, watching the outside world. Walking by, never stopping, never hesitating to continue on through another tiresome day towards more ineluctable headaches. I need a different outlook on life. More like yours, my love. Happier. More cheerful. More willing to smile. and not for the camera.

I hate her.

No, not Rei. Someone else. The only person here. staring at me, face impassive. I feel like throwing something at her; breaking her pouty lips in pieces. shattering her like shards of a chimera anima. Her eyes just stare at me, daring me to do it. She knows I can't. I set the glass cup of tea down.

It's me. The girl I see is my reflection in the glass window. But I hate her, because she's fallen in love and is going to get her heart broken. I hate her because she's always so cold. I hate her because she never speaks. I hate her, but there is nothing I can do.

Another day, another grievance. Always, right, Darling? Of course, you enjoy your work. I hate being stuck around a bunch of thoughtless happy people, who have what I don't. That's right; There's something I don't have.

Love. And love is happiness.

well, at least now I have an excuse for being so sad. So when people ask me why I can't just be happy, I can tell them, "I love someone who barely notices me." I'm sure they don't understand. They don't know what it's like. To love someone, and never feel the love returned. In the silence of my mind, I cry. outwardly I whisper to the window,

"I love you."


	3. gomenasi

Hi! Sorry I haven't updated much. I have been in a funk, and I don't know why. I need an antidepressant so I can get on with my life.

Gomenasi: I'm sorry.

* * *

This is awkward.

I knew I shouldn't have come, but I did anyways. I should have stayed home, and tucked my siblings in. I shouldn't have put my hair up like this. It's uncomfortable. I shouldn't have worn perfume. It's making my eyes water. I shouldn't have let the girls put lipstick on me. Now I can barely eat or drink. This whole night has been one big mistake from the start, and I should have stayed home. But I didn't, did I? Oh no, I _had_ to come. And now I'm paying for it.

When Ryou announced he was throwing a party, the girls wouldn't hear of me not coming. They found a babysitter for my siblings, and they even chipped in and bought me this spaghetti strap corn-yellow dress and gold shoes with small heels. I shouldn't have let them. Gomenasi for making me waste your money.

But the fact the girls always overlooked, the painful fact, was this: I had no one to bring. Which is okay, I guess. All Zakuro is doing is sending longing looks in Keiichiro's direction. Lettuce has politely declined all invitations to dance, and is staring at the moon wishing the one she loves was here. Ichigo is eyeing the couples longingly, and heaven knows where Minto is.

I wish you were here.

I shouldn't have come. I knew you wouldn't be here. and even if you had, you wouldn't dance with me. I know you.

Lettuce is whispering something to the moon. in my seat by the balcony, I can hear her faintly. No one has asked me to dance, and no one will.

Gomenasi for showing up.

I have barely touched my punch, and I haven't eaten anything but a small cracker, all though it all looks so good. But I don't want to smudge my lipstick. I won't know how to fix it if I do.This seat by the balcony is drafty, but I don't dare move. I don't want them to ask me to dance out of pity. The only one I want to dance with is you. Because you should only dance with the one you like, and I like you. as more than a friend.

But you wouldn't even let us be friends. I don't blame you. You have your future, and I have mine. although staring out into a sea of silk and taffeta, my future looks dull. I wouldn't think so if you were here. I would be having fun, like all the other couples.

Couples. Gomenasi for pretending that we were together.

Do you hate me? Would you have shown up if I asked you? I know you wouldn't. You wouldn't come to the dance with me for a million dollars, dear. Even if I can't talk to you, or be with you, in my mind you are 'Dear.' Because I love you, and wish you were near. Even if we weren't together, it would be enough just to see you looking at me.

I wish you were here.

Gomenasi for wishing.

I don't see Ichigo anymore, or Zakuro. Lettuce has gone silent, and Mint is still missing. I'm alone again. Missing you. Because I am always sad when you remind me we cannot be. But that's okay, if you are happy.

Gomenasi for needing reminding.

The music changes, and everyone switches partners, save a few devoted couples. Gazing into each other's eyes, seeing no one else. Could that be us? In another life, was that us? If so, I want to relive that. I want to go back, and feel your hand in mine. I want to dance gracefully across the dancefloor. I want to see only you.

Gomenasi for wanting.

Gomenasi.


	4. Dakishimetai

Hello! I'm so sorry this is late. I was working on it, but my sister deleted it to play with dolls online. (Thanks, sis.)

But this chapter title is inspired by a song, done by a band called jungle smile. I thought this would work. Sorry if it sucks.

* * *

I look around. You aren't here. 

to be honest, this whole attack is a joke. It's just one gerbil chimera, who's nibbling on a tree. If you were here, it would be carefully planned chaos. I know you hate me, but I love you, darling.

sometimes, when someone is talking to you, you get this look. I'm the only one who notices. I know this look. It's fear. You're afraid. And I wonder, why? Are you afraid of being alone?

I am too.

Even though you hate me, you know me better than anyone else. You know me better than even my friends ever could. Maybe because we're alike. sometimes, I only recognize you because I see the look in your eyes. The same one I have seen so many times in my own.

Are you afraid?

I'd like to embrace you, and chase away all of your fears. I want to talk to you, about everything. And I know you could relate. Are you afraid of being alone? Maybe we could be alone together. Maybe we could be close. But I know if I told you all this, you would pretend you didn't hear me. Why? I want to help you, even if it means being rejected. I'll keep you close forever.

I know sometimes people make fun of you. They make fun of me, too. They say I am a freak, and a nerd. Have you ever been called these things, dear? Do you ever wish you were alone? Do you ever need someone to see that you aren't okay?

I feel like that too.

You don't have to be alone. I want to help. But I have to admit, I need help myself. Can't we stop being enemies and start helping each other? Why can't we just put down our weapons?

Why can't we be weak in front of each other?

You say I'm weak, but what about you? are you weak inside? Or is it only me? I wish I didn't have so many questions, love. But I know one thing that sometimes I believe we have in common. I, too, am afraid of being alone. I don't want to be left behind any more than you do. I know what it feels like to need to be near someone, just to keep you sane. I wish I could be near you, love.

Do you ever get scared suddenly that you _are_ alone? Do you get that panicky feeling too? Or am I alone?

I hate the way you always mock me and turn away. You don't want to be weak. But it isn't being weak you need to fear; it's being alone.

But if you ever need me, I'm right here.

* * *

wow. This turned out better than I anticipated. OOC, but oh well. 


	5. angel

Okay. I came up with this, and decided to do it to the song 'angels' by within temptation. this is one of my favorite songs, so I thought it might work.

* * *

another day near you. 

You think You're hidden, and that I cannot see you. You are in the tree above my head, just watching. You never speak, and you think I do not know where you are. But I know all too well. I wish you would just attack already and get it over with.

But you seem thoughtful, almost. I know, because when the leaves shift, I can see glimpses of your face. Though I can never tell you, you are my sparkling angel. Your eyes gleam in understanding as I move further away from everyone. You know the sudden need, the urge to be alone, away from prying eyes. Maybe that's why I love you.

When I'm dancing, I wonder if you ever feel like this when you're flying, hovering above the ground. Usually stalking Ichigo. But now you are following me, no doubt to attack me with another chimera anima. You don't care.

But I do.

I wish I didn't. I wish it didn't hurt me when you greet Ichigo with you're special name for her. I wish I had a special name.

You do, in my mind. I call you my angel. My fallen angel. You're intentions seem so dark, until one really sees you. when I did, you became my sparkling angel, and I fell in love. If only you loved me back. What would you call me? you've called me Birdy a few times. Would that be my special name?

This world seems to have failed you. I know it has failed me. But you rarely show it. also like me. I only show how forsaken I am in my dancing. I wish you would watch me dance. Somehow I know you would understand; with no question, no confusion.

You are the only one who gets me. I don't confuse you; you understand without question. I love you for that. Even if we feel different ways, it feels good to know I don't need to be alone anymore. You saved me, my dark angel. This world has failed us; it didn't give us the reason why. It just did. And because of that, we are similiar. different, but the same.

In a way, it's strange we aren't together. Someone who only heard of us; heard these thoughts, would think it strange that we aren't a couple. But the painful truth still stands. I love you; you love Ichigo.

You're leaving now. You didn't attack me after all. I appreciate that.

I spot something in my bag. It's a small pocketknife I carry with me in case of emergency. But now it will serve it's purpose.

I pick it up, and begin to carve into the tree where you just sat. I carve and carve. When I'm done, I turn and walk away, not bothering to survey my work. I know what I wrote.

I LOVE YOU.


End file.
